idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You can't special order awesome
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
