Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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