Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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