used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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