so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
