babies were throwing up all over the place
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
