My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
