five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
