His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
