If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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