I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
