Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
