Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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