I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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