At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
