I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
