her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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