Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
