At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
