the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
