i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
