Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
