***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
