just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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