If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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