im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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