If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
