Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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