im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
