I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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