If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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