At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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