To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
