I got chris browned last night
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
