Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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