i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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