I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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