whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
