Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
