two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
