youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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