I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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