In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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