the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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