yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
