My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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