oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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