How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
