So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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