I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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