I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Randomize
