I'm eating all of the evidence.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
