Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
