so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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