Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
