do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
please don't ironically join a cult
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