Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
