I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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