Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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