i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
