im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
