WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
