I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
