I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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