Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How does one acquire holy water?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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