I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
