I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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