The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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