my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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