Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
