I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
