It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
