i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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