It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
