Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
